I want to acknowledge and address a topic, an issue, a thing – whatever you want to call it – because maybe others can relate? You probably shouldn’t continue reading at all if you are mentally unstable because I’m going to be very honest about how pointless, meaningless and random life is.
Oh and I should like to mention that I am writing this whilst hung over, because to forget said topic/issue/thing I said yes to far too many shots last night.
I feel like this tragic character in a very elaborate and random play that we call life. Filling my life with adventure, travel, stuff and nights out is like putting cling film over a volcano to stop it erupting; just no.
It’s like I exist and I can’t help existing and I look around at my life and ask myself, what the hell is this Anna? How did you end up here, with these people, this family, this job? What are you doing? Who the hell are you?
It’s not the circumstances of my life that are in question here, that is superfluous; it is the existence itself!
It’s a realisation that consumes me in some moments that all I’m really doing is dying. This is the obvious truth that I am really struggling to come to terms with. But maybe instead of all this struggling I could just accept that I don’t know why things happen, why we do what we do, or why I’m here.
I think this is a good place to start building as you get rid of all your excess baggage. You become nothing in a world that wants a name, label and meaning for absolutely everything. Suppose I was just to let go of all searching and just accept every dam thing. Isn’t it nice when you just accept things the way they are?
You stop questioning, things become more simple, less confusing. Conversation, work, leisure, life just flows by more easy when you drop the expectation and judging.
Note to self: stop having expectations and judging. You are enough. Everything is as it should be. Chill the fuck out. You are hung over.